Hours to go.
Hours to go for 2016 to end.
Hours to go for a fresh start, or so they have us believing.
I don’t believe in fresh starts anymore. I don’t believe in life changing lines, days, moments or speeches; and I don’t believe in the people who preach that. Life doesn’t hinge on a one specific mind blowing moment, that one girl who responded to your ‘palat, palat, palat’ or the guy who said the right things or one soul searching trip with your friends. Life is much, much more. Life is too long to fall into place because of a single event. It’s a long process, and 2016 was the beginning of this process for me for which I am so grateful for.
People have been cursing 2016 for the fiascos that had been happening in the sociopolitical world, but since I measure a year by my self growth I would say 2016 has been a pretty wonderful year for me, a personal best.
2016 has helped me connect to myself and I think that’s the best thing that can happen to you. I think we have got it so wrong – life in general. We have laid our priorities on superficial things forgetting our roots. What people say, what they think, what they perceive – once in a while we should let it go and try to pay attention to our needs. People lay too much stress on relationships and forget to nurture the biggest and the longlasting one – with self. There’s something about this relationship with the self that makes most of us guilty to indulge in, but can be extremely satisfying in the required amounts.
A lot had been happening in life before that, a lot of downs, so 2016 made me get over that and accept the life the way it is and most importantly love it no matter what.
I have this habit of clicking random things while my mother wants me to capture the interesting lion. Some zoo at Shimla.
I gave up accumulating regrets. I did or at least made an effort to do everything that I wanted to do and the things that I couldn’t I learnt to let it go. I picked up the gifted guitar gathering dust in the corner and tried learning to play it. When the chord F effed up my patience, I strummed it randomly pretending to be the best guitarist ever and creating a ruckus in the house. But hey, at least I tried?
On the professional or college front – God, fourth year has been so awesome – community medicine postings, hospital duties, interacting with patients, learning and absorbing it all. From being the camera shy person ( still am) to enjoying the occasional selfie with my buddies. From being the bathroom dancer ( I sing publicly) to dancing to my heart’s content in parties and concerts. From letting events slip by to participating. Letting the world see what I write *shivers* and knowing that even though a few, people look forward to reading me. From being tensed about every exam to realising that grades really don’t define you in the long run. Building up an awesome set of friends cum support system who love me, got my back and are my loudest cheerleaders. You tell me I am great when I know I am not. Thank you. Love you. You guys. *melts into a puddle of tears*
Batch picnic at Pradhanpat Falls. My friend & I roamed every corner of it with me trying to get the perfect shot of the beautiful place.
My streak of travelling continued into 2016 for which I am so grateful. I visited 9 places this year and carried a bagful of memories back. Travelling has changed me but most importantly I have changed towards travelling.
My last trip of 2016 was to Puri. The people, the chaos – for the first time the cacophony in the Puri Jagannath temple welcomed me, and I embraced it. The hustle bustle of the Ananda Bazaar inside ( That’s a huge, huge exclusive marketplace inside the temple compound where they sell prasaada of different kinds, those brahmins offering tankapani at nominal rate, khajjas – oh my god – I wish they allowed us to click pictures), striking up a conversation with the vendors and knowing that all the prasada was sourced from the common kitchen having 752 cooking areas ( W-H-A-T?).
The beaches, oh my, Puri and the adjoining areas have the most pristine beaches – they are absolutely soul food. I got over my fear of water and played with the sea – which was a huge deal for me – cause that’s a first in, hold your breath, 22 years. So, if you have been following me on Instagram that explains all the me with the sea videos. Watching dolphins in Satpada was the highpoint of trip; I wish I could have captured the slithery, elusive cute-to-bits animal. To go off the designated route to wander off into the uncharted areas (do that with care guys) has brought in a new perspective. I have been to Puri before, but the change in me reflected in the way I perceived it.
I want to write more about each place I visited but I’m afraid it would turn into a long travelogue. So, down with that.
Letting go of criticism has been a hard but a necessary thing that I’ve done. From the day we are born we are made to listen and obey – sometimes things like this seep into our conscious and we forget our individuality relying on what others perceive of us.
I had been to an alumni meet recently where the people had gathered after 30 years or so from the days of being college mates to now occasional how have you beens. I observed how they narrated their children’s achievements and snubbed the ones that were not UpTo the mark or in some field that wasn’t engineering or medical by going on and on about this foreign university, that IIT and some IIM. I couldn’t help but muse, here they are – people who have led successful lives, wanting to live through the their children again by imposing their desires.
Where does the want end? Where do we find the satisfaction? Where do we be content with who we are than how we look on the paper and on a virtual profile?
I have faced enough unjustified criticism in my life; people who wanted me to be a certain way, dress up in a way, talk in a certain way, do what they want and be someone who I am not. To all these people I gave my indifference and continued to work hard at doing what I love. The day you stop trying to please everyone and living for the limelight is the day you become a contented person.
I am halfway there but I am trying to be more content by – not looking forward to a milestone but the moment. To love someone not for what they can become but who they are. To breathe in life. To exhale positivity. To complimenting people than putting them down for petty reasons. To grow above superficialty. To making a difference in other’s lives be it an animal or humans.
I have been doing more, learning more and changing more; all the while trying to keep the essence of my soul alive. I have embraced life, and the ice on its heart has started thawing.
2016 has been such an amazing year, and believe it or not, I had no hopes or wishes from it. So, here’s a repeat telecast of wishes for 2017 – not hoping much but just expecting peace and good vibes – internally hoping it turns out as awesome as 2016 or even better. And as for 2016,
Thank you for giving me, Me.
I’ll miss you.
I want to write more but I got to go and live some more.
Love,
Parnini.
Clicked it at Satpada at the mid-way stop – an island where we had lunch and then walked over from these waters of Chilika to the other side to be greeted by the sea.
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