There are feelings
Solitary
Empty
I feel mostly
Yet feelings have no meaning in them.
They are mixed –
Like every other attachment I’ve felt in the past
Careless
Idiotic
Like a summer sunset you would miss out on for the accompanying heat.
But the feelings feel different this time
It’s a strange mix of yearning and guilt
Being the perpetrator and not the victim
Being the loved not the lover
Being the one who didn’t stay
The one who didn’t say.
And now that I feel this
I feel it’s good to have overlooked, over loved, over cared in the past
Because this guilt,
This burgeoning ball of guilt
Makes me feel I have fallen
With no arms to catch me,
Because I had cut them myself.
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