Entering into the last month of the year and since few days I have been bombarded with several posts, messages, memes… each claiming new ways of cutting off the past, making bolder and braver choices and welcoming change and the new year with all its newness of promises.
The future seems promising – I agree. The uncertainty of ANYTHING that can happen to you anywhere is promising – I agree. But having made the same promises and decisions since past 29 years I have reached a conclusion – I wont be making any new year resolutions this new year’s.
I have reached that point where new year, new me is just above me. The earth has kept spinning for the past 29 years despite me making a resolution about it. My weight has kept increasing by steady grams and kilograms even though I have taken 4 gym subscriptions at every cusp of midnight. And no matter how many times I practice mindfulness, gratitude journal and keep a meditation app I have reached the point where my temper flies out like a pressure cooker waiting to spew its venom onto all. And despite promising myself I will make better choices and be in a healthy relationship making healthier choices and setting healthy boundaries – I became color blind to all the red and green flags waving at me to end up in the same soup all over again.
In the midst of it all I am wondering – does anything change for real? Do we really, change for the better? I feel human tendencies are an evolving process – and a product of our atmosphere and the conscious choices we make. When things and situations are favorable it brings out the best in us and when they go into a disarray we turn into the raw versions of ourselves which we may not like – but we must accept and live with.
The calendar shall change – people will make all resolutions they wont be able to keep again. They will make bolder choices that fizz out eventually. The spark will fizz out. The gym membership will go cold and there will be empty machines for people who actually love to strength train. People will make huge shifts in life only to realise that all the running away they had been doing was from their own selves.
And me? I will be here knowing that maybe – for the first time in my life, I understand that my actions and the rat race I had been forcing myself to run in had no consequences – relationships still soured, unfounded fears became the reality, people went on their ways – friends, family, lovers – and the only one who took a beating and stayed was my own self.
The earth spins and spins but we remain our own selves – and until we make conscious effort to work on ourselves we would still follow the same patterns in our life and be reading the same book all over again.
Cheers!
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